Friday Afternoon Ghost Stories. Episode One. If A Tree Falls in the Woods…

 Today marks the beginning of a new series I’ll be working on every Friday entitled: Friday Afternoon Ghost Stories. Its going to be a weekly installment of my experiences in assorted survival-horror games. Enjoy!


This weeks installment:

The game is almost as exciting as this picture!

Ill preface this entire series by saying this: IF you play this game, play with the HUD off and with direct aiming on. It makes it probably 600% better in terms of immersion and excitement.

Labeled as a “psychological thriller”, its more of a survival horror movie game INTERACTIVE CUTSCENE. Its almost as if Stephen King wrote a book and someone decided to make a game based on it. Its about a guy named Chris Farley  Alan Wake, a world renowned writer for writing either self help books, mystery novels, or vampire/werewolf hentai. Im not really sure at this point. It begins with a very The Shining-esque flyover of some mountains while Alan recites some Stephen King quotes and says some really heartfelt stuff that, lets be honest, no one will probably listen to. I think he talks just to hear himself talk.

The game begins with Alan and his wife going on a romantic getaway to some podunk island town in central NOWHERE. Bright Falls is the name, and creepy inbred hillbillies is its game. And so far they are undefeated this season.


We find our hero on a ferry across the Bright Falls bay. Morale low, he searches for excitement in playing Angry Birds on his iPhone.

We find our hero on a ferry across the Bright Falls bay. Morale low, he searches for excitement in playing Angry Birds on his iPhone.




In all seriousness, the visuals are actually very on point. And thats coming from someone with a wooden computer.


We take a short stop in a local diner. You get your first real “taste” of the locals here. Reeeaaaal ‘Deliverance’, if you ask me.

This is an Easter Egg. Avril Lavigne plays herself in this game as an 80 year old woman.

So far this is the smartest character I’ve met. Shes very concerned with the lights working, and there being no dark. Foreshadowing? Probably not. Just safety themed product placement.

Another cameo from some of the cast of The Expendables 2.

Once you’ve picked up your room key and bumped hips with some of the townsfolks, youre off to your fancy cabin in the woods. Like any REAL American man, Alan has his wife do all the work while he scouts out the best places to hide on the island.

“Yep, that tree is perfect”

Once youve turned on the power to the cabin, it is revealed that Alans wife has achluophobia, a fear of the dark. This is surprising considering her husband is straight out of a Twilight book (SO DARK AND EDGY) and also considering they are staying IN THE WOODS. Once you look around the house for a few minutes, it becomes clear that this trip was not intended to be a romantic getaway, but instead an inspirational spirit journey meant to spark a new book idea for Alan, seeing as how he hasnt written anything in years. In his blind fury, he runs off into the woods, but before he gets too far, the cabins power is cut, and scary ghost birds decent upon the house. His wife is super duper scared and disappears or something. I say this, because Alan passes out and suddenly wakes up at night, in his car, on a cliff.

“This isn’t Steak N’ Shake”

Stranded in the woods with no phone at night, and a missing wife, Alan knows he must find civilization.

“Oh thank God. A Circle K.”




It seems as if the gas station is going to be quite the hike. Fortunately Alan came prepared with a nice cardigan. So into the night he goes, knowing not what he really is looking for, but knowing that he must help his beloved wife.

The woods are actually fairly spooky. Especially when phantasms and stuff are crawling all over the place.

Alan stops at a cabin and plays a little Battlefield 3 before heading back out into the woods.

Looks like theyre playing Battlefield 3 as well.


After a bit of a hike, Alan finds himself a cabin. This is promising. Maybe there are people? Maybe theres a phone? Who knows? Theres only one way to find out though. As we get closer, we have to maneuver through some boxes and logs and stuff, but a promising sight stands before us.


A helpful bro? I dont know!


But this bro is not helpful at all. All he wants to do is tell us about “the latest thing” and about how cheap his cabins are. He also oozes black shadows and turns invisible sometimes. Needless to say, he isnt much help. So we continue our journey into his cabin, hoping to find a phone. We also find a flashlight on the ground. This could come in handy considering the night is pretty thick out here.



As Alan quickly turns around, he spots two shadowy figures on a roof. He also finds a revolver on the ground. HOW CONVENIENT RIGHT? He fires a few rounds into the ghosts, but to no avail. He knows what he must do. He shines his flashlight at them and they seem to be afraid of it. Ghosts are afraid of lights! Just like video games taught him! Once they are weak, he finishes them with the revolver and continues into the night.



After dodging a few obstacles and a couple more ghosts, we come to the gas station finally. In another startling turn of events, Alan passes out. Fade to black. THE END.